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Jealousy, the Great Relationship Destroyer
Living with a jealous partner? Or, are you the jealous one?Are you fed up constantly battling with a jealous partner? Is it putting a strain on your relationship?
Overcome jealousy before it ruins your relationship and marriage
Jealousy is an emotion and usually refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, and disgust. Occasional jealousy is normal and can help keep a relationship interesting and alive, but if it becomes intense and irrational it can become very destructive indeed.
Jealousy can manifest as anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, paranoia, depression, hurt, loneliness, envy, feeling powerless, feeling inadequate, feeling excluded, feeling betrayed. Carrying this around in the mind and body is like rust in metal, it destroys everything it touches from the inside out. Jealousy makes you weak and your body just aches with pain and sadness.
When you manage to lose your jealousy, and free up the relationship to become natural and loving, you constantly feel like you're wearing new clothes. You feel fresh and clean, loving and warm, your whole outlook changes, and the stress of jealousy is a distant memory.
Often, the word jealousy is used as a synonym for envy. Many dictionary definitions include a reference to envy or envious feelings. In fact, the overlapping use of jealousy and envy has a long history. But this is'nt really the type of jealousy we are interested in, is it?
Jealousy is all about fear. Fear of the unknown and fear of abandonment, fear of losing control or power in a relationship, fear of loss, and fear of change.
We all experience jealousy at some time in our lives, although our reasons for feeling jealous and the emotions that triggers varies from one person to another. Jealousy puts a huge strain on any relationship, leaving the other partner feeling as though they're constantly unable to be themselves, and maybe finding they are forced to leave out details that they would otherwise be willing to share, to avoid a jealous reaction.
The jealous partner is often unaware of their problem, but it soons manifests in outrage by the accused partner. The jealous person is often sorry, feels guilty, ashamed or frustrated at their own misguided thoughts and feelings. Others find jealousy makes them feel powerful and in control, thinking that acting in any other way would make them seem na´ve.
The jealous partner then feels justified in acting this way, even getting more demanding and more jealous over time. Jealousy can leave a person bewildered as to why this is happening to them. They may remember it being a problem in childhood, either with a parent, or as sibling rivalry. The conclusion may be that this is an emotional trait that has been brought into the relationship from a very early age. If you conclude your jealousy stems from issues in childhood, you may find counselling beneficial.
My marriage is falling apart. What can you do to help me?
Actually, a great deal! Whilst treating this condition I've developed a very effective set of protocols, that seem to work very quickly. One or more of these techniques may be included; relaxation routines, trance meditation, EFT (Emotional Freedom Techinque), CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) anchoring techniques. See below on how to give this a try.
Jealousy in children and teenagers has been observed more often in those with low self-esteem and can evoke aggressive reactions. One study in children suggested that developing intimate friends can be followed by emotional insecurity and loneliness in some children when those intimate friends interact with others. Any time spent in a school playground, or classroom setting, will bear this out.
Building your child's confidence when young will ensure they don't grow up into jealous adults. Take every opportunity you can to tell your child how much you love them and why you love them more than anyone else. Give lots of praise and compliment them on the things they do well, and encourage them to improve on the things they don't do so well. Spending time with them and teaching them to share is the best way to ensure they have a happy childhood, free of jealousy, emotional pain and insecurity.
I have a non-traditional relationship - can you still help me?
Yes indeed! People who engage in open relationships must be prepared to tolerate a certain amount of discomfort, but it is how you allocate the power that determines whether this will be successful for you. Honest communication is key here, but there is no simple and easy solution to jealousy. It takes much talking and testing to discover what works for your individual partnership. Understanding the unpredictable nature of jealousy and being tolerant of each others needs, so that yours and their needs are met prior to any openness, takes effort and compromise. If openness is your chosen path, you will need to feel comfortable with the powerful feelings and emotions this will bring into your life. Counselling will be a big help here on both sides.
Don't let jealousy continue to destroy your marriage or relationship. With 50% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages and 75% of third marriages failing, isn't it time to face facts and deal with the underlying causes in a structured and caring way? I invite anyone currently suffering from jealousy to visit The Haven Healing Centre in Blagdon for assistance. Appointments and a treatment price list are available by clicking here. I look forward to welcoming you soon where we can talk about a treatment plan structured around your needs. Phil.
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Note: DISCLAIMER: This information is not presented by a medical practitioner and is for educational and informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read.
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