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Pornography Addiction Counselling
Confidential Help and Advice for Porn and Sex AddictionLasting relief from the scourge of online pornography addiction - Your confidentiality guaranteed!
There is no doubt that internet pornography ruins lives!
It destroys families, it ruins relationships, it alienates your friends and family who think you're weird. They definitely lose all respect for you. You eventually think you're weird! It corrupts the mind and generates huge amounts of emotional pain. Once you pay attention to your body instead of what is going into your head, pornography eventually produces feelings and expressions of guilt, shame, sadness, depression, rage, hatred (usually of self), disgust, disappointment, remorse, contempt (again, usually for self), anxiety, self loathing, embarrassment, emptiness and many other feelings.
In a marriage or other relationship, upon discovery, your wife, or husband, may also have many of those emotions and feelings. You've had time to build up a tolerance to those destructive inner emotions, but your partner is completely thrown in at the deep end.
By the time the act of looking at pornography is discovered, whether by magazines, books, films, the internet, or your mobile phone, there is every likelihood that the type of pornographic material viewed has escalated to way beyond the 'soft' porn that is the usual inroad into hardcore. Eventually, out-of-control porn use brings the very practical risks of divorce, loss of employment, destroyed reputation, prison time, a lifetime inclusion on the sex offenders register and the possibility of targeted vigilantism.
The fact is that pornography can bring a few seconds of pleasure. It can be educational (in a technique kind of way) and fulfilling. That's how, and sometimes why, it becomes a problem in the first place. Porn as a pleasure becomes the lie that we buy into. We become the victim. In the end, the list above of emotional 'outage' becomes the dominant feature. All you are left with is the knowledge that you have become addicted to porn and then the pleasure stops. That's when most people think about finding help.
How do I know that I'm addicted to porn? At what point do I acknowledge I've got a problem?
There is one question you can ask yourself that will give you a clue. If my partner were sat beside me, watching what I was watching, and doing what I was doing, would I feel comfortable, or uncomfortable. Would I feel happy, or would I be embarrassed? The answer to that question will give you your answer. Tough question, yes?
But I feel really exposed about talking about this
Exactly! The first appointment is always the worst. Some people will feel embarrassed, others, ashamed. Most will worry about what I think of them.
Two things: I am not here to judge you, I'm not going to judge you (you're probably already doing that yourself). My role is to support you, to find ways of healing this addiction and help you put your life back on track. I welcome you all to work your way through this addiction and find personal stability and contentment on the other side.
I'm a bit worried about what people are going to think of me
Yes, I know! This is a very natural response. But, why are you coming for treatment? If you're coming BEFORE anybody finds out, well then I'm here to help and support you through that process. Don't forget, nothing you can say is going to shock me; I've heard it already. I can help you! I am already helping fellow sufferers. They are coming to Blagdon from all across southern England and Wales. You don't have to deal with this alone. There is help available.
If you're coming to save your marriage or relationship, well people know already and have already decided what they think of you. This process of treatment and therapy will give you hope and give those around you a reason to be proud of you. There has been a mini-explosion of self referrals recently. If you're still thinking about it, or you're on the verge of picking up the phone, don't wait. Ring now and let's get started repairing your life and relationships.
What is pornography addiction
Pornography addiction is a form of sexual addiction characterized by the overuse or abuse of pornography. Online pornography addiction can be defined as a psychological addiction to, or dependence upon, pornography obtained via the Internet, characterized by obsessive viewing, reading, and thinking about pornography and sexual themes to the detriment of other areas of one's own life.
A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary for the behavior, engaging in the behavior, or recovering from its effects, and over time, there is a need to increase the intensity or frequency of the behavior in order to achieve the same or desired effect. The addictive and progressive nature of pornography is well documented, as is the control it can take of a person's life and relationships. In order to satisfy their addiction, addicts will spend extended periods of time searching the internet for new or increasingly hardcore pornography.
Once online pornography becomes rationalized, and what was once taboo, naughty or just plain sexy, no longer holds the same stimulation, there is a natural desensitization to specific types of images, and there is a need to escalate to more shocking, rougher, kinkier or more bizarre images and video. This can be mind altering, in that, a person can start to think that this is something they've never seen, never done, or never thought of before. There may be a desire to act out some of the more experimental aspects depicted in the pornographic material, and this, assuming they don't already know, is when a spouse can become suspicious. More and more demands of an uncharacteristic nature can lead to questions being asked and eventually the risk of being caught is high. The alternative is to seek a partner outside of the relationship.
Is sex addiction the same as pornography addiction?
Not really, but porn, in all its forms, is often rationalied as a fairly safe substitute. Sex addiction can be a high risk behaviour to the individual, whereas internet sex, phone sex, cyber sex, pornography and sex movies are seen as medically 'safe'. This demonstrates that there can be a pre-existing problem that culminates in internet porn addiction. The sexual addiction was already present but the individual looks for additional or accelerated tranquilization that involves the internet and satisfies the 'power struggles' that are often a feature of sex addiction. The problem is NOT the internet. The internet is just a tool to satisfy a need and provides an alternative outlet for the sex addict.
Few people self-refer for pornography addiction
It's true! Very few people self-refer for pornography addiction. I originally came across this whilst treating depression. Depression can be one of the side effects of porn addiction. The feeling of powerlessness and feeling like you will never get it back. You feel as if you are losing a part of yourself. It's painful, and disempowering, and scary.
There is power in all those negative emotions mentioned above, but it is negative power. That's how it creates negativity in our lives that unfolds as depression, discomfort, draining us of energy and our very life force. Whatever is showing up in your life is designed to help you reclaim your power. That's what treatment here is designed to do.
Another reason often sited for reluctance to self-refer, is the realization that this addiction involves a machine. Chemical addiction is seen as acceptable as it is seen as something we have no control over. How can I be addicted to a machine? Yes, your computer is just a machine and looking at porn has become a serious habit. The problem is NOT the computer. The computer is just the tool you use to satisfy your habit. To illustrate how difficult it is to break free: Hold your hands about 6" apart and ask someone to tie a single cotton thread around your hands. Now pull apart. What happens? The thread breaks. Notice how wrapping your hands in more and more strands of cotton makes it harder and harder to break free. Well, pornography is like this. The more you look at it, the more tempting it is to look at more explicit imagery, and the more difficult it is to break free from it.
Break free and put the POWER back into your life - Self-refer
Because men (or women) rarely self-refer for this problem, for those that do I have nothing but the highest admiration. It takes guts to make the decision to self-refer. There are lots of reasons for that. One is that of cause and effect. We can clearly see how cigarette addiction, alcohol addiction or drug addiction can have a profound effect on the body. But we don't necessarily accept that pornographic imagery, and movies, and verbal interaction can have such a detrimental affect on the body, or the mind. It is a difficult subject to talk about. It is a difficult subject to discuss with a stranger, or to anyone really. But the fact that you have the inner strength to do this makes my part really easy and your part a sure thing. You will find that reading this page will make you feel powerful. Making your appointment will help you stay powerful. Following through with your appointments will see you gain back your inner power and conquer all.
These are my only rules
Some clinicians and support organizations recommend using voluntary content control mechanisms (also known as "Internet filters" and "censorware"), internet monitoring, or both as a tool in the treatment of purportedly excessive Internet use. This is perhaps a good first try, but successfully treating any kind of addiction involves more than just mechanical means to prevent relapses. Addressing the reasons for the excessive moves into online pornography, cybersex, chat rooms, ebay, facebook and the like, is what gives the addicted individual the means to come out of their addiction.
Use the computer - don't abuse the computer
If you are already hooked on internet porn, or addicted to surfing the web for sex, make yourself a confidential appointment and give the Haven Healing Center counselling services a try. Whether you are male or female, single or a couple, all are welcome.
DO NOT beat yourself up over this. The emotional and physical pain that comes from continuing to engage in this activity, is far, far worse than any embarrassment you may or may not feel while you are with me. If you are worried that your marriage is on the rocks, or your partner has found out and wants an explanation, then the sooner you do something about it, the better. In counselling, patients receive techniques to de-trigger the desire, and the encouragement to break the chains of their addiction. Success creates a far higher likelihood of relationship resolution. Don't wait! The sooner we start, the sooner you are likely to see improvement, and a return to a happy relationship. I hope you have found this information useful and feel encouraged to look for a solution. Please contact me if you want to find out about appointments and prices. I look forward to hearing from you. Phil.
P.S. Learn the truth about your porn addiction. Place yourself on the path to recovery and start moving forward. Feel the hope that there is a way out, and start making progress today. If you feel yourself plagued by porn, and you've lost years of your life to this monstrous addiction, pick up the phone and take back control of your life! Give me a call, now!
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Note: DISCLAIMER: This information is not presented by a medical practitioner and is for educational and informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read.
It's a small investment in yourself, but could be a life-changing experience you will cherish forever.
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